I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
