cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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