uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
