dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
