chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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