Are we in a gay sports bar?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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