I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
