Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
