i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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