I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
