I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
