just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
