Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
