is your mom at the bar?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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