No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
