omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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