Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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