he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
