I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
