I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
