Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
