i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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