You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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