after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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