Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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