Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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