you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
