I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
