He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
