i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
