White coat. Heels.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
