Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
