as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
