so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
