Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
