I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
