He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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