Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The best revenge is premature balding
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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