So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
