ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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