I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
