Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think my moral compass just broke
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