I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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