You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
