Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
