Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She bit a glass in half.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
