Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
