take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
