Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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