I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
